I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is the prime rib incident all over again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
