Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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