You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
