he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
