guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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