She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
