The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
