My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
