As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
