This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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