i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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