just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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