I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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