Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
