Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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