i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
