Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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