Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
