If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
