When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
