you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
