And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
