She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
