I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
