dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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