Non-Jews are for practice
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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