dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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