I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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