Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
