Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
