There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
