well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
