I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
