at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
