Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I want to be your penis for a week.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
