Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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