he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
