the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
