dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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