So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
