Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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