You really coming over, don't trick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
