There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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