I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
