I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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