eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
sarcasm needs its own font
it was like having sex with a tree stump
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
