So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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