walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
