Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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