and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
