I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
