my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
